Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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