an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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