Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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