Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
