not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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