I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize