69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
