Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
