Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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