His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
