): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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