They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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