when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
