bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
