omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
