I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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