i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
