She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
