You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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