wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
