just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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