This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
