I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
