Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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