I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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