I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
