They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
