I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
