I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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