your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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