her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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