im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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