why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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