yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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