the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
