I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
