My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
