i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
