...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
