also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
