I can text with my tongue
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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