her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
