I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
