i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
