I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
