she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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