Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
