I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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