Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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