Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
