Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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