I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
