Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize