im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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