Apparently you make a good broom.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
