Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize