I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
