I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
