Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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