I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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