I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
