Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
