Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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